A Little Heart

“I was considering the pieces of my weaknesses. Almost everyday, and I was a little bit inferior minded being such a man like my self. Everyone says maybe we shouldn’t get too proud of our superiority, but in this case it was a little bit silly since I always find the weaknesses, neither the advantage. What is my value?”

“That was a stupid thinking I always have, and do you know how did I pretend to run away from that thought?”

“When I saw my weaknesses coming around, that was an embarrassing moment of everything. There’s no way she would felt for me here, since I’m no match for her, or for any girl in this world. There’s no way there is a girl who will like me. I’m too weak for being a man, who would like the weak man like me?”

That’s what Zian think him self. Almost everyday.

He was a young man who started to like a girl when he was at his journey to the school. He didn’t make any sign or trying to make some words for the girl. He just keep liking her in his own ways, in his mind. Everyday and every night the man thinking her, but he taught himself not to bee that fool, since he didn’t want to make anything wrong from the religion he knew.

He keep watched the girl, who’s never like him self. He knew that the girl has high expectation for the man whose girl should be with, and there was no way for Zian to match that.

He keep tried to speak with his God, asking why does the God give that feeling to him since three years ago. He always asked his God to erase that feeling, but God didn’t.

And there was a day when the girl met him at the school. She smiled to him, and talked. Since he felt how happy it was, but he didn’t want to be seen. In another day she asked him to talk, that she had a problem. Then she cried in front of him. He listened carefully, but he didn’t really want her to know how was he felt for her. He can’t say anything. On that day, he felt being such a fool.

One day, he tried to give a gift for the girl when she had birthday. He made the gift by him self, by his own hand, but he didn’t really think that the gift are great. But she said it was very precious for her. He cried, really much.

The girl had given him a thing, she said it was for him. Maybe the girl didn’t felt anything special, but for him it was really is. That was another story on the day.

But when he saw that the girl with another guy, he saw her very happy, laughing, talking freely, seemed really pleasant. Then he told him self not too expect for her, he will never match for her.

Since he knew that she will never like him, he must ready for the day when she found her man. Maybe, that was a very stupid decision by all men in this world, who will absolutely try hard for get their girl. But he was to weak and keep in mind.

He only thought about one thing, “I don’t want to make my God  jealous”. But he keep called him self stupid. He feared his intention not for his God. He often cried.

But, in his mind, he really wanted to saw her smile, her words, and her heart for him, although he was the weakest man in the world.

He knew, how little his heart was.

 

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